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England: You don’t get to just walk away.

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London.  Hauling gear through the streets between the venue and accommodations.

I suppose it’s not cool in these modern days to be thrilled by traveling to different parts of the globe.  It is kind of standard fare now for many.  Or maybe not…officially, its been just over 100 years that commercial aviation has been around but just about 65 years or so that it has been feasible to wake up in Bristol, England and fall asleep in Guelph, Ontario that same very long day…a cab, a train, and a car ride from my brother thrown in there.  Or travel within a relatively short time to the other side of the planet!  (I’m convinced that nothing is more inhuman for a human body than jet travel.)  A figure has been floating around for a while that only 5% of us here on the planet fly on planes, so maybe this zipping around is not as natural as it might seem.  Which may be news to those people who travel a lot by air and make noise about “passenger rights” as if our flying through the sky in a metal and plastic tube garners the same attention and vigilance as, say, freedom of thought, clean water, clean air, or food.  Or those insufferable people who complain about the food…while they fly…through the sky…above the clouds…like it was a god-given right.

Aaaaaaanyway…

As a younger man, I managed to shoot myself in the feet pretty good when a German record company came calling to have me tour over there with The Stickpeople…club and promo dates in Germany, Switzerland, Austria and other parts of Europe.  I asked him what kind of shows we would be doing for TV and he replied, “Gameshows.”  Gameshows.  All I could think of was performing on something like Definition and I burst out laughing, assuming he was joking.  It was no joke, and there would be no European tour (a sensitive bunch, those Germans– who knew?).  Regarding the USA, I had determined for myself that I wasn’t interested in being–and I quote myself here–wiped off the chin of America.  Translation: I am scared shitless of the place and am ignoring the fact that good people can live in lousy countries and I’m too stupid or scared to figure out how to do it so I will tell myself I’m better off not playing there.  With the exception of a thing here or there, my playing days were confined to Canada and the only way anyone from anywhere else could see me was by seeing me here in the north.

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Stephen and I boarding in Tasmania…I think.  Photo by our good man Aaron Berger.

So, you will forgive my childish excitement as I write this, having just returned from a short but intense tour to the UK on the heels of a lengthy tour in Australia, fairly jet-lagged and wrecked, feeling satiated and sort of hung over…and hankering for more.  I’ve never taken anything for granted in this singer/songwriter thing: not the chances to record (I always think the recording I am currently working on will be my last); or perform (I’m fairly aware that each performance might be, for any number of good reasons, my last); or write a new song (I’m always amazed and downright confounded when I write a new song…every song is the last song I’ll ever write); shit, I’ll even admit that every time I climb on my motorcycle I’m aware that it might be for the last time.  Point is, it’s best not to take these things for granted.  I’ll confess that I had begun to wonder if I’d ever get to travel on the back of the songs I wrote, a thing that was an expected dividend when I started out and is less likely for young artists these days.  Since the fall of 2015, though, I have performed in over 30 cities in five countries on three continents as a part of Nights of Grief and Mystery.

The tour through England– small cities mostly– was the first we would do on land that had not been colonized by the British Empire.  I was excited by this because in Canada, the US, Australia, and New Zealand the air can be thick with the guilt of thievery and exhaust fumes of the fevered and mostly impotent and childlike attempts by descendants at redemption.  This stuff hangs in the air between us and the audiences, is there in the murmuring in the halls before we start, and is there when we are done…though there are a few moments immediately after, quiet and wordless ones, that feel different.

Turns out that the air in England is thick with guilt, too, laced with a great deal of shame and topped off with quiet confusion as to how to make amends for its’ various offenses…or sins…or transgressions.  Unlike its’ predecessors the Byzantine and Holy Roman empires, the British Colonial Empire birthed some ideas (most having to do with the rise of the mercantile class) that seem to threaten the life of the planet itself.  I say “seem” because I’d like to think the planet is a tough old bitch that will figure out how to deal.  The British Colonial Empire was the largest the planet has seen to date:  that is a lot of blood, a lot of ruin.  You don’t get to just walk away from that.

So all this stuff is floating around, bombs have exploded and will explode again, people have been maimed and killed and will be again, and we are driven by car mostly by our good man Buckingham (who you sort of see in the first photo) from city to city.

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She placed her hands over her breast, then to my chest and said, “From my heart to your heart.”  It reminded me of this photo I took…my mother’s hand on my father’s chest.

After a show in Totnes (180.3 miles from Reading) I was shoveling some food into my mouth in the evening air outside the theater.  It had been a while since we had ended, I had just finished packing up, and there were still a few folk loitering around.  A very small, very old woman appeared in front of me, her skin translucent, her small hands wrinkled and soft.  She simply looked at me for a moment, placed her hands over her breast, then to my chest and said, “From my heart to your heart.”

Now, there are all kinds of people who come to these shows.  As in any audience anywhere, some folk are more lost than others, and that sense of being bereft can make itself known in a quick back and forth.  There was none of that here.  Quite the opposite, actually.  The gesture felt so natural, the phrase innocent and genuine.  “I’ll take that,” I said honestly and found myself covering her tiny hand on my chest with my free hand.  We stayed like that for a couple heartbeats.  She stared up at me and held my gaze for another moment then walked away.  Later, I mentioned the old lady to a couple of the concert organizers and they said they knew of her, that she was dying, and she had brought her grand daughter to the night.  I realized I had looked out into the audience at one point in a bit of a daze while playing and part of my brain had logged the fuzzy image of an older woman sitting beside a younger woman who was crying, their hands interlaced in the old lady’s lap, the image replaced by that of my own fingers wrapped around my guitar neck as I shifted my attention back to whatever it was we were playing.  A Night of Grief and Mystery has a good amount of coming to terms with dying and what the world might look like if we lived in the knowledge of our dying and I guess the old woman and her grand daughter were swimming in that pretty deeply.

These nights with Jenkinson on three continents, these nights are my bid for redemption.

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